Local sources reported that Jim Anderson, 46, recently dined at La Cantina and was looking forward to ordering the Colossal Nacho Plate. He stated, however, that the waitress was “way too hot” for her to see him “shoving $18 worth of nachos down… Read More ›
A new horror film, “The Chase,” received poor reviews from local movie critics. The film opens with a young teenage girl screaming while running away from an unknown entity. The screaming and running continues uninterrupted for approximately 72 minutes. At… Read More ›
The average American gets swept up by a tornado at least eight times over the course of their lifetime. Looking to cut that number in half? Just follow these precautionary tornado tips: The center of the tornado,… Read More ›
Sources have confirmed that President Obama will consult with Bob the Builder to fix the United States 11.901 trillion dollar national debt. Although Bob typically fixes small fictional objects such as chairs and tables, he enthusiastically asked Congress, “CAN WE… Read More ›
Also, pretend there is something funny written here. ————————————————————————— I’m sorry I really wanted to say in the last post that your new haircut and hair color looks really pretty. I know you probably won’t respond with the please continue… Read More ›
Our last post, entitled “Annoying child’s imaginary friend won’t even hang out with him,” was written on June 16, 2019. Since it has been over two years since then, we would like to provide you with an update. That fucking kid… Read More ›
Six year-old Bobby Turner’s imaginary friend, Ted, reportedly no longer wants to spend time with him. Based on Bobby’s favorite activities, which include drawing on people’s faces, screaming the alphabet in church, and bathing in baked beans, Ted told… Read More ›
Local 32 year-old, John Callaway, recently attempted to visit a new grocery store but reportedly kept getting lost. Mr. Callaway told sources, “I don’t know why, but when the GPS told me to turn right, I just kept turning left,… Read More ›
It has been reported that the black couch at the local obesity clinic is REALLY not looking forward to going into the office today. The black couch told sources that it is probably going to call out sick again today… Read More ›
It was recently reported that 38-year-old John Thomas purchased a 6.8 lb economy size bag of trail mix, fully knowing that he will just eat the M&M’s. Mr. Thomas stated that although there are probably like 20 M&M’s in there,… Read More ›
Marco Rubio hits a child in face with a football – child reportedly dies on impact Neurosurgeon, Ben Carson, promotes medical procedure that will make you dumb enough to vote for him Donald Trump continues to demonstrate… Read More ›
New research shows that bees do not sting people to protect the hive, but rather to watch people dance around in pain like fucking idiots. Researchers stated that if you listen closely you can even hear their little bee laughs,… Read More ›
Harold Barnes, the driver of a local emergency response vehicle in a small Kentucky city, reported that his emergency response vehicle has broken down. Although Mr. Barnes was unaware, local sources reported that he operates the only emergency response vehicle… Read More ›
The Americans with Disabilities Act: Exercise your right to work.
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