The Public’s Opinion: FDA Approves First Artificial Tumor

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The Onion
recently reported that after several years of intensive research, the U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) has officially approved an artificial brain tumor (click here for full story). This marks “the first time a synthetic malignant growth has been cleared for use in patients across the country.” Although it is recommended that a neurosurgeon implant the brain tumor, other do-it-yourself methods are currently being explored.


What are YOUR thoughts?





Casey Walden, 17, high school student: “That’s super cool!! Does it come in pink!?”








James Fletcher, 63, commercial airline pilot: “Will I be able to get through the metal detector with it in? I’d hate to have to take it in and out every time I fly.”





Bob Holden, 82, retired: “Whatever happened to the good old-fashioned hitting yourself on the head with a hammer a few times game? That seemed to get the job done pretty well.”



Justin Hamilton: 40, marketing analyst: “Oh my son is getting his tonsils out next week. I think I’ll get one for him and then when he’s in the terminal stages in a few years I’ll be like, SURPRISE, I GOT YOU A TUMOR!!”





Carol Martin, 43, office manager: “Finally…I’ve been trying to grow one naturally for years now and was getting really tired of consuming 5000 of those damn Splenda packets every day.”





Source and image 1 attribution:
The Onion: FDA Approves First Artificial Tumor” July 29, 2014.

Image 2 attribution:
Flickr Allen High school Cheerleader” 
by WakeLaw.

Image 3 attribution:
Flickr A Bittersweet Moment” by Ernest Gudath.

Image 4 attribution: Images

Image 5 attribution: Images

Image 6 attribution:
Flickr Joan, Val Vista Office Manager” by Valley Women for Women OBGYN.

Categories: The Public's Response

Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

3 replies

  1. This will really speed up hospital admissions


  2. It will no doubt prove itself invaluable as it is incorporated as a critical component within the Obamacare medical care plan. It will facilitate the promised billions of dollars saved and probably exceed all cost-containment plans currently still in the fantasy phase of planning…this is very exciting, indeed.


  3. Funny. Although “technically” not the first artificial tumour:

    Also–I know a Bob Holden. How funny is that?

    Liked by 1 person

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