The Onion recently reported that after several years of intensive research, the U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) has officially approved an artificial brain tumor (click here for full story). This marks “the first time a synthetic malignant growth has been cleared for use in patients across the country.” Although it is recommended that a neurosurgeon implant the brain tumor, other do-it-yourself methods are currently being explored.
What are YOUR thoughts?
Casey Walden, 17, high school student: “That’s super cool!! Does it come in pink!?”
James Fletcher, 63, commercial airline pilot: “Will I be able to get through the metal detector with it in? I’d hate to have to take it in and out every time I fly.”
Bob Holden, 82, retired: “Whatever happened to the good old-fashioned hitting yourself on the head with a hammer a few times game? That seemed to get the job done pretty well.”
Justin Hamilton: 40, marketing analyst: “Oh my son is getting his tonsils out next week. I think I’ll get one for him and then when he’s in the terminal stages in a few years I’ll be like, SURPRISE, I GOT YOU A TUMOR!!”
Carol Martin, 43, office manager: “Finally…I’ve been trying to grow one naturally for years now and was getting really tired of consuming 5000 of those damn Splenda packets every day.”
Source and image 1 attribution:
“The Onion: FDA Approves First Artificial Tumor” July 29, 2014.
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Categories: The Public's Response