Our last post, entitled “Annoying child’s imaginary friend won’t even hang out with him,” was written on June 16, 2019. Since it has been over two years since then, we would like to provide you with an update. That fucking kid is still annoying as fuck.
We would like to welcome ourselves back and provide an explanation for our prolonged absence. In June of 2019 we decided to try out a new grocery store. This particular establishment of fine food products was a few miles farther away than our normal food product establishment. We got lost coming home and just made it home about five minutes ago. We are very sorry for this gap in published articles, and unfortunately the dairy products we purchased expired in July of 2019. The expiration date is more of a suggestion though so we still plan on eating the economy sized tub of cream cheese. Also, driving around during this 2+ year gap of us driving around lost, we had to spend $122, 984 on gas. We were very lost. After a few wrong turns I think we passed through Nicaragua. All of this is besides the fact that we are home and once again ready to provide you with the mediocre quality of writing that you most likely hoped to never see again. Just like that annoying fucking kid that is still so fucking annoying, we plan to be all up in your life with articles for the rest of your life.
You might be wondering about the title of this post, as well as the fact that you can reach our website by typing in http://www.koalasandmemes.com. These are international symbols of love and connectedness and will always mean a little more to the writer. The darker and more twisted the memes the more they represent love. But enough about memes and those cute little fuzzy eucalyptus eating balls of love, on to more pressing issues.
While we were lost driving there have been many worldly events that have changed our worldviews. We would like to provide a recap since our last post.
- America smoked a ton of meth and got really high and did a lot of stupid shit.
- That white lady from Full House did some entitled basic white girl shit and got arrested. We also heard that she was denied food accommodations for her anorexia inspired gluten free diet and also that she joined a few prison gang bangs.
- Prince Harry and Meghan Markle had a baby. Oh wait, nobody gives a flying fuck about that.
- We think something happened some virus in 2020 but we were driving around trying to preserve the tub of cottage cheese so we’re kinda clueless on this one.
- That annoying fucking kid is still out there being fucking annoying.
Well that about sums up the past two years. We are actually in an ambulance now because the cottage cheese we decided to eat has apparently grown so much mold that is has somehow developed a consciousness and our DNA is now 100% cheese. This is fucking weird but we have a very strong desire to get on top of some bread. Due to this change in events we will have to stop this post here because cheese does not know how to type.
A message for you… I realize how unfair the last email was and doing this right here. I imagine being in your position in that you are happy with everything in your life and have so much ahead of you to look forward to. If I were you I would not want to keep hearing how much someone feels for you. You have so many other important things to focus on. Although I want you to respond in some way indicating that you want me to keep writing these every once in a while, I know deep down that you do not want to hear any of this because you have moved on. I feel selfish in that I want this to be a way that I can always communicate with you because I love you so fucking much and I never want to fully let you go. I can honestly see myself writing these posts and a message below, knowing that you will never respond, just because it makes me feel like I am still a part of your life in some way. By embracing the reality of what happened for me means that I fully accept that I can never show you how much I love everything about you. We both have great lives ahead of us, but in my mind, and I know this is probably untrue for you, but I will always feel that we are both missing out on so much happiness and true love and actually being able to fully enjoy every aspect of life together by not knowing each other going forward. You are so right in that there isn’t just one person for someone, but I know just from that short amount of time that we would be perfect together and life would be so much brighter waking up next to you every day for the rest of our lives. The crazy part is is that this isn’t fantasy, my views are fully based in reality and how it would actually be and of course we would disagree at times and have some struggles, but there would be so much love between us that we would always be on the same wavelength and would work together harmoniously. Plus, you would be my queen and the most imporant woman in the world to me, so you would always get everything I could possibly give you and loving you and making you the happiest woman alive would always be my top priority. This message though, just like all the ones I have sent since the news, is something you already know I feel and I know it is incredibly unfair to you and honestly, if I were you and was in love with another and over me, this would probably feel creepy or weird. Like dude, get overrrrrr this shit and move on. I’m realizing my brain keeps coming up with different ways for me to hold on and not let go of you, and this new method would be a way for me to hold onto you for the rest of my life. I could seriously see me making a post when I’m an old man and still writing you love notes. I am honestly enabling myself though to not let go. My heart would be so happy and I would love nothing more than if you wanted me to write these posts every once in a while so I can tell you how I feel, and hopefully make you laugh with my articles, but I am pretty certain this is not normal and you do not want to read anymore about how I am still in love with you. So, I will end here and say that if you do want to receive these cryptic love notes with an article every once in a while, please send me an email just saying “please continue,” and I will secretly talk to you every once in a while and show you how my love for you will never waiver, but if I receive no email I will know and fully understand that this must end here and there will be no more communication in any way. Part of me is so excited to think you might email me and say please continue, but in reality I feel that I will not hear from you and that is understandable and expected. If you do email me to continue please know that I would never expect any type of response and will still continue with trying to find a wife and have a family, but this would always just be our special place. God, even that sounds creepy. I am doing the slapping my own forehead emoji right now. I cherish the thought of always having a place to communicate with the love of my life, but I also know that it is probably not seen as healthy or normal to do so. So the ball is in your court and I am not expecting an email but if you would like to occasionally hear from heart for the years to come, please send me that email. If not, this is goodbye my love. I wish you all the happiness and joy in the world and if I could give you any happiness and joy that I might experience I would give you all of mine so that you have extra happiness and joy in your life. I’ll always love you.