Welcome to our Headlines section, where the news stories are quick and dirty. Are you an overachieving reader? Do you hate this section for absolutely no reason? No sweat, visit our Articles section!!
Six year-old Bobby Turner’s imaginary friend, Ted, reportedly no longer wants to spend time with him. Based on Bobby’s favorite activities, which include drawing on people’s faces, screaming the alphabet in church, and bathing in baked beans, Ted told… Read More ›
Local 32 year-old, John Callaway, recently attempted to visit a new grocery store but reportedly kept getting lost. Mr. Callaway told sources, “I don’t know why, but when the GPS told me to turn right, I just kept turning left,… Read More ›
It has been reported that the black couch at the local obesity clinic is REALLY not looking forward to going into the office today. The black couch told sources that it is probably going to call out sick again today… Read More ›
Marco Rubio hits a child in face with a football – child reportedly dies on impact Neurosurgeon, Ben Carson, promotes medical procedure that will make you dumb enough to vote for him Donald Trump continues to demonstrate… Read More ›
Sources reported that local fat man, Tom Morris, accidentally ate a small Hispanic child at a Mexican restaurant, where he frequently dines. Mr. Morris stated that the child looked exactly like a burrito and that he’s really sorry. The… Read More ›
Since receiving her short haircut, actress Ginnifer Goodwin continues to be mistaken for a preadolescent male. Although the film industry is aware that she is not in fact a young boy, the Walt Disney Company continues to offer her… Read More ›
Due to the recent accusations stating that the Patriots intentionally deflated footballs to gain an advantage, the NFL has intentionally over inflated the footballs that will be used during the 2015 Super Bowl game. Some worry, however, that the… Read More ›
Long time marathon runner, James Hunt, told sources that he is “constantly being followed” and that he is “becoming more and more scared for his life.” A spokesman for the police department stated that they are taking Mr…. Read More ›
Sources reported that Phil Robertson from A&E’s popular show, Duck Dynasty, recently discovered what appears to be a small child hidden in his overwhelmingly large beard. Experts speculate that this male child is four years of age and was able… Read More ›
Local sources recently reported that Danielle Jacobs, also known as “the lonely depressed woman in her mid-fifties who has a lot of cats and no life,” just ran out of space on the rear windshield of her minivan. Ms…. Read More ›
alexkohl.wordpress.com 