Bill Thatcher and Margaret Jacobs were recently set up by mutual friends and although they have not yet met, they decided it would be best to attend a couples therapy session for their first date. Mr. Thatcher stated that he… Read More ›
comedy central
Daredevil produce manager to attempt largest ever plum display
Sources reported that Phillip Barker, a local produce manager, plans to make the largest ever plum display. He stated that it will span aisles 2 through 10 and although the plums are very ripe, he warned all customers against removing… Read More ›
Man has heart removed in order to help decrease risk of future heart attack
Dan Grayson, 42, recently decided to have his heart removed in order to reduce his chances of having a future heart attack. Although Mr. Grayson is in perfect health, he told sources, “Well, you can never be too sure. My… Read More ›
Actress with short haircut still confused for 12-year-old boy
Since receiving her short haircut, actress Ginnifer Goodwin continues to be mistaken for a preadolescent male. Although the film industry is aware that she is not in fact a young boy, the Walt Disney Company continues to offer her… Read More ›
Superbowl playing it safe
Due to the recent accusations stating that the Patriots intentionally deflated footballs to gain an advantage, the NFL has intentionally over inflated the footballs that will be used during the 2015 Super Bowl game. Some worry, however, that the… Read More ›
Crazy cat lady runs out of sticker space on minivan
Local sources recently reported that Danielle Jacobs, also known as “the lonely depressed woman in her mid-fifties who has a lot of cats and no life,” just ran out of space on the rear windshield of her minivan. Ms…. Read More ›
Local man declares New Year’s resolution
Sources have just reported that a local man declared his 2015 New Year’s resolution, which is to keep his New Year’s resolution. Image: “Bing.com images“
Luvatocin: A cure for side effects
The Food and Drug Administration (FDA) is currently “fast-tracking” a new drug through their approval process. A spokesman for the FDA stated that the fast-tracking procedure is relatively new and is the quickest and most efficient way to get new… Read More ›
Local boy experiences difficulty mowing lawn
Eleven-year-old Tommy Schmidt was recruited by his neighbors to mow their lawn while they were on vacation. Although Tommy was up to the task, our sources have confirmed that he’s a little confused about the concept of “lawn mowing.” Thus… Read More ›
Local Mexican man hires himself to do his own landscaping
Local Mexican man, Jose Pichardo, told sources, “I require yard work done, but I don’t know anyone to hire.” Once he realized that he’s actually a landscaper, he hired himself. Image attribution: “Flickr landscapers 018-2013-05-17” by Tim Evanson. This… Read More ›
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