Six year-old Bobby Turner’s imaginary friend, Ted, reportedly no longer wants to spend time with him. Based on Bobby’s favorite activities, which include drawing on people’s faces, screaming the alphabet in church, and bathing in baked beans, Ted told… Read More ›
humor
Couch at obesity clinic really not looking forward to going to work today
It has been reported that the black couch at the local obesity clinic is REALLY not looking forward to going into the office today. The black couch told sources that it is probably going to call out sick again today… Read More ›
Political news headlines
Marco Rubio hits a child in face with a football – child reportedly dies on impact Neurosurgeon, Ben Carson, promotes medical procedure that will make you dumb enough to vote for him Donald Trump continues to demonstrate… Read More ›
New study shows bees sting people just for the fucking fun of it
New research shows that bees do not sting people to protect the hive, but rather to watch people dance around in pain like fucking idiots. Researchers stated that if you listen closely you can even hear their little bee laughs,… Read More ›
Local emergency response unit breaks down
Harold Barnes, the driver of a local emergency response vehicle in a small Kentucky city, reported that his emergency response vehicle has broken down. Although Mr. Barnes was unaware, local sources reported that he operates the only emergency response vehicle… Read More ›
High school experiences budget cuts, uses weird looking kid as mascot to save money
Due to recent budget cuts, a local high school does not have the appropriate funds to purchase an animal mascot costume for their sports teams. At a recent faculty meeting the principal decided it would be best to just use… Read More ›
Man accidentally shops at Baby Gap
Forty-one-year-old Tom Evans told sources that “clothing sizes aren’t what they used to be.” Apparently, Mr. Evans went to The Gap to buy new clothes, but accidentally entered Baby Gap instead. He said that he tried on several clothing items… Read More ›
Saudi Prince donates 10,000 barrels of oil to homeless
Prince Al-Waleed recently donated 10,000 barrels of oil to homeless and underprivileged families. The Prince stated that each family can do whatever they please with their barrel, but after they are done doing whatever it is they plan on… Read More ›
Pope loses keys to Vatican, again
Local sources reported that Pope Francis has once again locked himself out of the Vatican. The Pope was overheard saying that he “seriously has no idea what happened to them.” Although he usually keeps a spare key under the flower pot… Read More ›
Police now required to use Silly String in place of handgun
It was recently reported that reserve deputy Robert Bates accidentally shot an unarmed black man in Tulsa, Oklahoma. Apparently, he meant to grab his taser, but instead grabbed his gun. Given the numerous police shootings of unarmed black men in… Read More ›