It was recently reported that 38-year-old John Thomas purchased a 6.8 lb economy size bag of trail mix, fully knowing that he will just eat the M&M’s. Mr. Thomas stated that although there are probably like 20 M&M’s in there,… Read More ›
news
New study shows bees sting people just for the fucking fun of it
New research shows that bees do not sting people to protect the hive, but rather to watch people dance around in pain like fucking idiots. Researchers stated that if you listen closely you can even hear their little bee laughs,… Read More ›
High school experiences budget cuts, uses weird looking kid as mascot to save money
Due to recent budget cuts, a local high school does not have the appropriate funds to purchase an animal mascot costume for their sports teams. At a recent faculty meeting the principal decided it would be best to just use… Read More ›
Frugal man celebrates birthday in Party City store
Derek Hall, a local 31-year-old man who is reportedly a complete asshole when it comes to spending money, stated that he will celebrate his upcoming birthday at a local Party City retail store…. Read More ›
Online university clueless on how to make diploma
President of a recently established online university, Dr. Blake Adams, told sources that someone is about to graduate and he has absolutely no idea what to do. Although Dr. Adams has graduated numerous times, awarding himself a total of 27 PhD’s,… Read More ›
Local fat guy accidentally eats Hispanic child at Mexican restaurant
Sources reported that local fat man, Tom Morris, accidentally ate a small Hispanic child at a Mexican restaurant, where he frequently dines. Mr. Morris stated that the child looked exactly like a burrito and that he’s really sorry. The… Read More ›
North Korea promotes ‘Free Thinking Day’
In order to help improve relations with other countries, North Korean leader Kim Jong-un appeared on state run media stating his intentions to create a national “Free Thinking Day.” Jong-un reported that on this specific day all North Korean citizens will be allowed… Read More ›
Saudi Prince donates 10,000 barrels of oil to homeless
Prince Al-Waleed recently donated 10,000 barrels of oil to homeless and underprivileged families. The Prince stated that each family can do whatever they please with their barrel, but after they are done doing whatever it is they plan on… Read More ›
Local public speaker still speaking
Sources reported that Bob Thomas, a local community leader, is still speaking about public matters. He has been speaking for about seven hours now and the audience is confused as to whether or not the speech will end. Audience members… Read More ›
Waitress way too pretty for man to order nachos
Local sources reported that Jim Anderson, 46, recently dined at La Cantina and was looking forward to ordering the Colossal Nacho Plate. He stated, however, that the waitress was “way too hot” for her to see him “shoving $18 worth of nachos down… Read More ›
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