Six year-old Bobby Turner’s imaginary friend, Ted, reportedly no longer wants to spend time with him. Based on Bobby’s favorite activities, which include drawing on people’s faces, screaming the alphabet in church, and bathing in baked beans, Ted told… Read More ›
the onion
Man’s GPS gives up, tells him to turn around and go home
Local 32 year-old, John Callaway, recently attempted to visit a new grocery store but reportedly kept getting lost. Mr. Callaway told sources, “I don’t know why, but when the GPS told me to turn right, I just kept turning left,… Read More ›
Couch at obesity clinic really not looking forward to going to work today
It has been reported that the black couch at the local obesity clinic is REALLY not looking forward to going into the office today. The black couch told sources that it is probably going to call out sick again today… Read More ›
Local emergency response unit breaks down
Harold Barnes, the driver of a local emergency response vehicle in a small Kentucky city, reported that his emergency response vehicle has broken down. Although Mr. Barnes was unaware, local sources reported that he operates the only emergency response vehicle… Read More ›
High school experiences budget cuts, uses weird looking kid as mascot to save money
Due to recent budget cuts, a local high school does not have the appropriate funds to purchase an animal mascot costume for their sports teams. At a recent faculty meeting the principal decided it would be best to just use… Read More ›
Man accidentally shops at Baby Gap
Forty-one-year-old Tom Evans told sources that “clothing sizes aren’t what they used to be.” Apparently, Mr. Evans went to The Gap to buy new clothes, but accidentally entered Baby Gap instead. He said that he tried on several clothing items… Read More ›
Online university clueless on how to make diploma
President of a recently established online university, Dr. Blake Adams, told sources that someone is about to graduate and he has absolutely no idea what to do. Although Dr. Adams has graduated numerous times, awarding himself a total of 27 PhD’s,… Read More ›
Dad continues to dwell on that one time he was right
Sixty-eight-year-old Patrick Stevens, local husband and father of two, continues to dwell on that one time in 1994 when he was apparently right during a family debate. His wife and children stated that although Mr. Stevens has been wrong the… Read More ›
Man & woman plan to attend couples therapy for first date
Bill Thatcher and Margaret Jacobs were recently set up by mutual friends and although they have not yet met, they decided it would be best to attend a couples therapy session for their first date. Mr. Thatcher stated that he… Read More ›
Local fat guy accidentally eats Hispanic child at Mexican restaurant
Sources reported that local fat man, Tom Morris, accidentally ate a small Hispanic child at a Mexican restaurant, where he frequently dines. Mr. Morris stated that the child looked exactly like a burrito and that he’s really sorry. The… Read More ›