Carmax employee Greg Holt recently told sources that he has absolutely no idea where to find the red Honda Accord. Although several families have expressed interest in this specific car, Mr. Holt stated that there are like a… Read More ›
the onion
Weather woman accurately predicts past weather
Michigan based weather woman, Melissa Blake, gains popularity as she continues to predict past weather with perfect accuracy. Her current weather forecast predicts that there is a 100% chance that it will rain 20 minutes ago. She also stated that… Read More ›
Actress with short haircut still confused for 12-year-old boy
Since receiving her short haircut, actress Ginnifer Goodwin continues to be mistaken for a preadolescent male. Although the film industry is aware that she is not in fact a young boy, the Walt Disney Company continues to offer her… Read More ›
Small child reportedly found in Duck Dynasty’s beard
Sources reported that Phil Robertson from A&E’s popular show, Duck Dynasty, recently discovered what appears to be a small child hidden in his overwhelmingly large beard. Experts speculate that this male child is four years of age and was able… Read More ›
Local man declares New Year’s resolution
Sources have just reported that a local man declared his 2015 New Year’s resolution, which is to keep his New Year’s resolution. Image: “Bing.com images“
Ice cream man admits the unthinkable
Sources reported that a local ice cream man recently divulged disturbing news to nine-year-old Trent Wilson. Apparently, he told Trent that each of the six colors of his favorite Fruity Pops all taste the same. Trent later told sources that his world pretty… Read More ›
Healthcare and the elderly
In order to increase physical fitness levels in the elderly population, a bill was recently passed that requires all stores and establishments to move their handicapped parking spots to the spots which are located farthest away from the store…. Read More ›
Archaeologist finds fossils dating back at least 40 years
Archeologist Justin Cramer recently discovered a set of fossils which were reportedly not really underground, but sitting under a pile of leaves in his backyard. Although Cramer is unable to identify the origin of these fossils, he believes that they are… Read More ›
Catcher keeps signaling ‘I love you’ to pitcher
As stated by The Onion, Orioles rookie catcher, Caleb Joseph, continues to signal “I love you” to pitcher Chris Tillman. Joseph told sources, “I just love him so much and I get to tell him like 200 times a game…. Read More ›
Man jogging listens to Brittany Spears just a little too loud
Local jogging enthusiast, Brendon Talbert, was reportedly listening to music on his iPod while jogging earlier today at volume so high that others could clearly hear his taste in music. One jogger stated, “That guy must really love Brittany Spears. Every… Read More ›
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