Derek Hall, a local 31-year-old man who is reportedly a complete asshole when it comes to spending money, stated that he will celebrate his upcoming birthday at a local Party City retail store…. Read More ›
current events
Man & woman plan to attend couples therapy for first date
Bill Thatcher and Margaret Jacobs were recently set up by mutual friends and although they have not yet met, they decided it would be best to attend a couples therapy session for their first date. Mr. Thatcher stated that he… Read More ›
Local fat guy accidentally eats Hispanic child at Mexican restaurant
Sources reported that local fat man, Tom Morris, accidentally ate a small Hispanic child at a Mexican restaurant, where he frequently dines. Mr. Morris stated that the child looked exactly like a burrito and that he’s really sorry. The… Read More ›
North Korea promotes ‘Free Thinking Day’
In order to help improve relations with other countries, North Korean leader Kim Jong-un appeared on state run media stating his intentions to create a national “Free Thinking Day.” Jong-un reported that on this specific day all North Korean citizens will be allowed… Read More ›
Saudi Prince donates 10,000 barrels of oil to homeless
Prince Al-Waleed recently donated 10,000 barrels of oil to homeless and underprivileged families. The Prince stated that each family can do whatever they please with their barrel, but after they are done doing whatever it is they plan on… Read More ›
Daredevil produce manager to attempt largest ever plum display
Sources reported that Phillip Barker, a local produce manager, plans to make the largest ever plum display. He stated that it will span aisles 2 through 10 and although the plums are very ripe, he warned all customers against removing… Read More ›
Local public speaker still speaking
Sources reported that Bob Thomas, a local community leader, is still speaking about public matters. He has been speaking for about seven hours now and the audience is confused as to whether or not the speech will end. Audience members… Read More ›
Waitress way too pretty for man to order nachos
Local sources reported that Jim Anderson, 46, recently dined at La Cantina and was looking forward to ordering the Colossal Nacho Plate. He stated, however, that the waitress was “way too hot” for her to see him “shoving $18 worth of nachos down… Read More ›
New study shows speaking in Boston accent drastically lowers IQ
A new study from the Institute of Language Development shows that speaking in a variety of accents, most notably a Boston accent, immediately lowers your intellectual quotient (IQ) by approximately 23 points. Researchers stated that when participants took on a… Read More ›
Carmax employee has no idea where red Honda Accord located
Carmax employee Greg Holt recently told sources that he has absolutely no idea where to find the red Honda Accord. Although several families have expressed interest in this specific car, Mr. Holt stated that there are like a… Read More ›
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